I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
All the doctor said was why
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
