So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
