I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the day after is always just damage control
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
