why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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