I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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