I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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