I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
