She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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