dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
