Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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