Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
