I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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