a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
only if we run a train.
done.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
