You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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