i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
