my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
