Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
