Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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