a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
