The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
