dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
