2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I deserve this hangover.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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