I'm going to jail i love you
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
