he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
