Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
