I think i sorta joined a cult last night
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
