i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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