meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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