Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize