My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
