Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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