he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
