I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
