My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
