Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
