Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
