I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
