Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
