he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize