I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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