just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
