he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
