Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
