we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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