he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
