If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
