Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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