he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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