you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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