He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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