Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
