Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
