The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
