I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
