i think my tv is drunk
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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