I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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