What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
