that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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