I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
