Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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