your parents love me but you hate me
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
