he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Houston, we have a squirter
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
