he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
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I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
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Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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