I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I don't want my vagina anymore.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
