Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
