ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
