You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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