I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
