they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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