Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
