well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
