Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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