he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
