I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
