Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Randomize
