Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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