ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
