I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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