her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
