I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
