I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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