Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
