four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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