So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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